Snape, the triple crosser
by Meknowenglish
Summary: An insanely stupid, pointless story...my specialty! Read, flame, I don't care really! Hee hee! (searches desperately for her medication) Ayee. . .


The Betrayal  
  
[Snape and Dumbledore are sitting in Dumbledore's office]  
  
Dumbledore: "So, that is the COMPLETE ENTIRE FULL-PROOF plan on how we are going to defeat Voldermort."  
  
Snape: (not paying attention much) "Now..there was something I was 'sposed to do when I get information..."  
  
Dumbledore: (confused) "Sevie?"  
  
Snape: (lightbulb in his miniscule brain clicks) "Oh yeah!" (pulls out a quill, and starts writing a letter) "Dear Voldie,  
Got the information, turns out that Dumbledore plans on driving you out of your home by knocking repeatedly on  
your door, then sending Potter to defeat you. Meanwhile, he'll be in the bushes waiting for the reportars, to   
collect the glory of defeating you. Apparantly, Potter will be too stupid to know what the hell is going on."  
  
Dumbledore: (leaning over to read the letter) "Well, you didn't have to tell him I was going to do that! Geez, Harry  
has enough glory anyway. " (folds arms indignantlly)"and you spelled reporter wrong."  
  
[Enter Minerva McGonagall]  
  
McGonagall: (dramatically) "Sir, have you finished--THE PLAN!"  
  
Dumbledore: (excited) "Yes, and a fine one it is."  
  
McGonagall: "Er--what is Severus writing."  
  
Snape: (folds letter enthusiastically) "HAHAHA! I will send this to Voldemort right now!"(dashes out of the room)  
  
Dumbledore: (pouting) "I thought 'chu were on our side!"  
  
Snape: (voice coming from far away) "I tricked you! NYA NYA NYA--NYA NYA NYA!"  
  
McGonagall: (stunned) "Aren't you going to go after him?!"  
  
Dumbledore: (whining) "But I'm too lazy!"  
  
[McGonagall grabs his arm, and they both run out of the room]  
  
Snape: (running gallantly) "You can't catch me! I'm the Potions Master man! I am, I am!"(tries to dance while  
running, and nearly trips)  
  
McGonagall: (angry) "How DARE you mock the greatest tale of all--"  
  
Rita Skeeter: (suddenly appears) "Latest news! Dumbledore screws up! AGAIN!"(Quick-quotes is writing furiously)  
  
McGonagall: (sensibly) "That's true."  
  
Dumbledore: (turns skeeter into an ice cube) "A-HA!"  
  
Skeeter: "Why did you--"(screams, or at least expresses pain as much as an ice cube can)  
  
Dumbledore: (has set her on a saucepan on a conjured stove) "Die! Die! DIE!!!!!!!"  
  
Seamus:(unfortunatly witnesses the scene) "Oh sir! That is just cruel."  
  
[Seamus is turned into a flower]  
  
Dumbledore: (picking the petals) "Sevie loves me, he loves me not."  
  
[At this, Snape trips and breaks his legs]  
  
Snape: "OWWWWW!"  
  
Dumbledore: (raises wand) "I will fix him!" (accidently turns himself into a fish) "Hmmm... Me like being a fishy."  
  
McGonagall: (observing calmly) "Pity there is no water."  
  
Dumbledore: (struggling to breathe) "Help...me..."  
  
McGonagall: "Erm. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . We-eell. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Hmmm. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   
. . . . . . . . . . .Perhaps. . . . . . . (dumbledore dies). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .I think that. . . . . . . . . .uhhh. . . . . . . . . . .   
. . . . . .nope!" (smiles evily) "What a shame."  
  
[Madam Pomfrey notices Snape. The idiot fixes his leg]  
  
Madam Pomfrey: (aghast) "I KNOW--MAGIC!"  
  
McGonagall: (snaps to attention) "ME TOO!" (they both hug eachother and cry)  
  
[Snape has now reached the Owlery, bumping into Ron]  
  
Snape: (grabbing Pigwideon) "Ha! I stole your owl."  
  
Ron: (shrugging) "I don't give a hang."  
  
[The little owl hoots as Snape ties a letter to it, and flings it into the air]  
  
Snape: (calling madly) "Be true, owl! BE TRUE!"  
  
[Harry arrives, and promptly drops the toast he is eating]  
  
Harry: (amicably) "Hey Snapie!" (picks up toast, nibbling the corners once again)  
  
Snape: "Potter! You-Know-Who is coming back!" (cackles)  
  
Harry: (blankly) "No sir, I don't know who?" (sniffles) "What is going on? I'm so confused!" (starts bawling)  
  
Snape: "Quiet Potter!"  
  
Harry: (between sobs) "A-and n-nobody e-e-ever tells me what-what is going on!"  
  
Hermione: (enters and smacks Harry on the head) "Stop blubbering, you fool!"  
  
Harry: (cheerfully) "Hey, 'Mione!"  
  
Hermione: (grabbing Harry by the shoulders) "Don't you see, man, he is a traitor! He's with Voldemort!"  
  
Harry: (vaguely) "I think I've heard of him..."(gets smacked again)  
  
Hermione: (pulling out wand) "Duel, sorcerer, if you are man enough!"  
  
Snape: (likewise pulling our wand) "Very well, foolish girl..."  
  
[At that moment, Poppy enters with great energy; McGongall follows]  
  
Madam Pomfrey: "Hey Severus, look-look-look! I know magic!"   
  
Snape: "Not now, Poppy."  
  
McGonagall: (delightful) "Bibity bobbety boo!"( a jet of sparkly-light issues from her wand)  
  
[Snape is turned into a large pumpkin-like carriage]  
  
McGonagall: (shrieking joyfully) "I did it again! I DID IT AGAIN, POPPY!"  
  
Hermione: "You mean you've turned everyone into carriages!?"  
  
McGonagall: (proudly) "Yep!"  
  
Hermione: "Oh, most ill-devine magic! Must you bestow yourself within the hearts of such fool-hardy women!  
It is obviously I who deserves infinite power among these imbeciles!"  
  
Ron: "Well, I heard people on Voldie's side get lots of power."  
  
Hermione: "I am off!" (tries to Apparate, and ends up--splinched)  
  
Ron: (laughing his head off) "Ho! Miss Smarty got herself splinched!" (rolls on the floor, chortling)  
  
McGonagall: "Bibity bobbety boo!" (Ron is now a carriage)  
  
Harry: (starts bawling again) "Now I have no friends!"  
  
Madam Pomfrey and McGonagall: "WE'LL BE YOUR FRIENDS!"  
  
Harry: (brightly) "OKAY!"  
  
[They all link arms and go skipping through the halls]  
  
  
End  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or the amusing tales of Cinderella and the Gingerbread Man.  
  
I was in a WEIRD mood when I wrote this. Weirder than usual. Hee hee... Oh,  
I don't care! HAHAHA! Urk- need to get ahold of some sugar daddies,  
mmm....caramel...  
  
  
  
  



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